Rarely have 10 words thrown out on a TV show made as powerful a ripple as Blitz actress Saoirse Ronan's on The Graham Norton Present.
While fellow actors Paul Mescal, Eddie Redmayne, Denzel Washington and host Norton were laughing uproariously about whether a cell phone could be used as a weapon in self-defense, Ronan instantly put an end to the mirth with the easy line: “That's what girls do.” “Girls have to think.” almost all the time.”
A week later, the vírico clip is still being shared. Ronan had it right, online commentators argued. Men, even good ones, seem to have a blind spot when it comes to the lived reality of women.
“Moments like these draw attention to the different, often contrasting, daily experiences of men and women,” charity Ladies's Help said. “The reality is that we live in a misogynistic society where male violence against women is an epidemic, and women and girls are forced to think about their safety from a very young age.
“We need to collectively come together and confront the misogyny that enables violence against women and girls, so that the problem is rooted out and women do not have the responsibility of continually having to protect themselves in everyday life against male violence. .”
New YouGov research shared with The Guardian asked 1,200 women aged 18 to 80 to describe in their own words: “What do women want men to know about what it's like to be a woman in Britain?”
Analysis of YouGov responses concluded: “The most pressing challenge that women felt men needed greater awareness and understanding about was women's safety, gender-based violence and harassment, which some referred to as like an 'epidemic'.
“Women spoke of a 'constant hypervigilance' where fear of harassment or violence triggers a variety of safety measures, i.e. self-imposed curfews (not venturing out late at night) and grabbing keys while walking to house as improvised weapons,” found the investigation conducted in early October.
One respondent wrote that she wanted men to know “how terrifying the simple fact of existence is sometimes: how I always know where my keys are and where my keys are.” [am] Constantly looking behind me when I walk in the dark or at night. How intimidating and disgusting some men can be; how frequent and widespread harassment and misogyny are.”
While women recognize that the problem does not come from all men, it is impossible to know at a glance which men will be a danger to them and which will not. The survey found that they needed men to hold other men accountable and understand more about the issue.
“We are afraid of them all until we meet them,” was one response, whose sentiments were echoed by many others. “It's not all men, but how are we supposed to know that, when it's some men? If your friends are predatory, sexist, or both, call them out publicly and defend women from their views and actions. “We need you as allies.”
Personal safety was one of the main areas that women felt men did not fully understand, and others included the “juggling of many roles” that women played and a lack of understanding of biological challenges, such as menstruation and menopause.
YouGov's analysis concluded: “Ultimately, what women were seeking was greater sympathy, awareness and understanding of these specific issues, and respect for the challenges they face.”
London-based charity Solace Ladies' Help is running a Nice Guy Guide Campaign with seven rules to help men make women feel more confident and “create a movement dedicated to ending to all forms of violence against women.”
“That movement must include men because women need allies to challenge the casual disregard of women's right to feel safe anywhere, anytime,” a spokesperson said. “Men know that this is not a safe world for women, they have known it for generations, we need them to support us to create safe futures for all.”
Abigail Ampofo, interim chief executive of the charity Refuge, said: “As girls we are conditioned to maestro our own safety, taught to carry pejesapo alarms, not to walk home after dark and to choose our partners carefully. Male violence against women and girls is always present in our minds.
“We need to see men be better allies, recognizing that this is not really an issue for 'lighthearted banter' but an issue that impacts women and girls on a scale that they need to better understand and combat.
“When a woman is murdered by her partner or ex-partner every five days in England and Wales, and one in four women suffers domestic violence in her lifetime, it is no laughing matter.”
Emma Lingley-Clark, interim chief executive of the charity Suzy Lamplugh Belief, said Ronan's comments “underline the constant vigilance that many women feel obliged to maintain to keep themselves safe”. The exchange reflected “a broader tendency to underestimate how widespread these problems women face are.”
She added that the responsibility for change should not fall on women. It required “systemic change to reduce harmful behaviors so that everyone can feel safe, without the need to consider self-protective measures as a daily norm.”
Rachel Adamson, of Scottish charity Zero Tolerance, said: “The potential threat of male violence lives constantly in the back of women and girls' minds. We take routine steps to keep ourselves safe, often without thinking. The recent discussion in The Graham Norton Present about how personal possessions can become tools of security illustrates how men and women experience very different worlds.
“That's why it's so important to have conversations dedicated to women's experience, like the upcoming UN 16 Days of Activism to End Gender-Based Violence, starting later this month. “It is key that we have these conversations with men, not only so that they are aware of the impact of male violence but so that they can also see their role in ending it,” he added.
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